Still full of it

YeP Still full of it
What a week. Of course I am a bit stretched thin as I look at a zillion blogs and then have this blog.... and my personal one where I am also writing about the struggle to get Nethan appropriate medical care. So I think the thing is that this one is about the progress and the other one is about the concerns and worries and frustration and anxiety about not knowing the diagnosis and having to deal with receptionists and doctors and specialists and the insurance company. Make sense? I also feel I need to let go of the disgust that I write stream of consciousness style. I just do when it comes to this stuff. I am highly anxious and tired of apologizing for my hysterics and anxiety. I was NOT hystrionic several months ago when I was trying to get Nethan medical care. I am tired of being minimized. There is not a single good reason to minimize my fears concerning Nethan. Of course I am praying there is nothing wrong with him. I hope I can laugh about this very soon. I deserved to have this taken seriously months ago. I now feel guilty that I didn't push harder to get this done several months ago. Now I take on the guilt that Dr. S didn't pick it up??? That this stupid Dr. B who is board certified didn't move on it? What is WRONG with this picture. Don't I go to these Drs for JUST this type of thing? Isn't my anxiety that something is wrong ENOUGH to get them to do something? So then how come I still feel responsible for not pushing and pushing till it was done? And of course it is true, what happens when the test comes back that everything is fine? Shoot isn't this a great deal like when I complained bout my ovary for YEARS? So if everything is "fine" it doesn't stop the constipation but I guess it honestly tell me that I need to take his mineral oil a great deal more seriously. Today he didn't do but smidgens of poop. Is is time to do another liquid suppository? Smidgens. Does it mean I screwed up by not giving him even more mineral oil? Sheesh how much MO can a baby take in? I have to tell ya' though I would like to know if this is just for me venting or whether there is someone else who is following this and really cares if I update. Need to feed Babylicious....
Ok fed Nethan and decided that as some "friends" are subbed to this blog that instead of typing a different version where I would bitch more that I would just copy and paste it. So there you have it...