Have not posted in the past few weeks as things are so terribly grim. Since May 21 I have been riding along with my grandfather as he rides the roller coaster of life and near death. I am fortunate in that he has rallied several times. On one night I was able to say all those things you wish you would have or could have said to a person that means so much to you. My grandfather is a very human person. He has done and said many many many shitty things to people. SHitty things to people I love and yet I have to tell you he has ALWAYS been there for me. Selfish little girl speaking? Maybe. But my grandpa has never said a harsh word to my face. He has always stood by me. He has always told me how he feels about me and how proud he is of me and all I have accomplished. He loves my son and is not shy to say it or act on it! He has been generous beyond belief in my life and has made some of my happiest moments possible.Although he has hurt many people I love him. I sometimes feared he might hurt me but he never has hurt me. Only the people I love. People I love also have hurt him. I guess he feels I have never hurt him too? I pray like I have never prayed before that he will make it through this and be around for many more years. I want Bryceton to know him like I know him. I am amazed by his strength and will to live too. He has come close to death several times in these past weeks and yet he wants to live and is not giving up. He quips he knows he is on borrowed time and would like to borrow some more. I told him we were not ready for him to go yet and out of delirium he told me he wasn't ready to go yet. Promised he wasn't giving up and was going to keep up the fight. I am so proud and love him so much. I only wish my other family could pull together instead of being so shitty. They truly are. These times bring out the worst in some and there appears to be a lot of bad in the others I love too. I try my best to be compassionate and listen but hate when my sister out right LIES about things I said. I will not talk to her any more. I am sick of this yet again. Even when I don't say anything she says I say things. I only hope that the fact she does not hear my voice will cause my parents to know she is a blatant lying bitter bitch. This provides only some protection as she can still lie and say she has spoken to me. I tell her nothing. If I talk to her about the weather she grinds it into ammunition to hurt me or hurt others. Well 'nuf said tonight. I am not going to Phoenix this weekend and the guilt is a bit difficult to bear but I need a weekend off to try and get my PhD back on track so as to not have to repeat 2 courses and spend several thousand dollars more.